I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize