i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
