So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
