I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
