Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
3pm strippers are depressing
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
