when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Randomize
