my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I need to calm my uterus...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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