So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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