i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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