That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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