I skipped work to stalk him.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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