god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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