Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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