i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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