I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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