shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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