Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Randomize
