Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
