That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
