no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
