He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
