We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
