On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
