i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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