how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
