And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
