Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize