is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
