i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
