Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
