dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
