That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
