i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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