We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
