Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I've blown a few things in my day
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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