I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
