If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
