The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
