So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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