Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
