I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
