I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The power of my boobs compel you
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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