I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize