Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
