I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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