Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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