It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
