smell my finger.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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