the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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