woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
