so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
