it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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