Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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