hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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