can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
