i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
