While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
