All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
be right there i have to get my cape
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
