I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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