I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
