This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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