once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
