I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
