just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
