i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
