Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You took a bar mat shot.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
