i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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