I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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