Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
