I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he fucked my hip out of place.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
