I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
