Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
