I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
